is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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