dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
