She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
