one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
