hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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