I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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