I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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