I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
