PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
