What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
