have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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