if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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