Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nutella sex= disaster
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
