I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
