i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
