dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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