sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
