Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
