sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
