Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
