Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
