Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
