you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
