ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
