Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She bit a glass in half.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
