I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
