i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
