I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
