Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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