Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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