I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
