when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
