woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
