Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
time to smoke my breakfast
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
