I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
