the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
