Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
