You made me cry and you don't even care
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
