my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
