dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
