Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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