Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My dick has a subreddit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
