i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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