Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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