They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize