Will you blow on my dice?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
