Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
