I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is wine microwaveable?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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