I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
id be glad to
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
