i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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