You smell like a Billy Joel song
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
