I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
