She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
