He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
