Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
