Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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