1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
