I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my liver is dry heaving
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
