is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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