Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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