I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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