college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
