I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
