# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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