can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
