And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bring me that man meat
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
