Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
