Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize