Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
