please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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