Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
