So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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