i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
