the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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