My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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