what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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