Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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