you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize