if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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