She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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