I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She swung at the pinata with crutches
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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