After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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