Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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