the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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