apparently the secret to your success is patron
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
