Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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