i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
