it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
