The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
