I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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