wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
