Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
