who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
