i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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