no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize