yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
