Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
