I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
