I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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