sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
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