I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
