so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
