yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
