We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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