She's JV to your varsity
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
