You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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