It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
